A bit dischuffed at the non performance of my Mastercard in trying to pay a legitimate bill of a legitimate company I protested to the bank. They had changed me from Visa to Mastercard. "It's better" they said. Like the gullible fool I am, I signed.
I wanted to pay the bill. I wanted the service the company was offering. It was a Saturday, so no hope in getting a real reply till Monday, but I thought I'd see what the automated system would do.
I had to type in my question to a fake person called "Paolo", who turned out to be as stupid as Microsoft's "Clippy" (but much more easily offended).
When Paolo did not understand my question (and his response was clearly from a non human, i.e. an automatic program) I asked him, in Italian, how stupid he was. He replied that I needed to reply to him more politely:
A ?$%&ing machine is telling me how to behave when I talk to it! I lost my rag then. I'd just tried four times to get into the Mastercard help system, but again a ?$%&ing machine could not understand my key presses for my card number (three times) or finally my date of birth (once). Well sod me, the machines ?$%&-up then tell me to behave myself!
The idiot programmer, or, more likely the programmer's idiot boss, made Paolo tell me off when it sees bad words (like "stupid"). Had "Paolo" simply said: "Sorry I don't understand, please call a real person on Monday" I'd have been satisfied.
And WTF, Paolo doesn't even shave before coming to work! Look under his nose and on his chin: